Share Your Story 4

TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains content about eating disorders and attempted suicide.

I haven't really been able to ever really tell my story but here goes. I was a really happy kid, not caring about weight looks or friends for a while. I think it was around 4th grade where I was realizing "oh I'm bigger than my friends". That was pointed out during ballet class one day. I don't know why but that stuck with me for a while. Given that classes do change every year, I was always making new friends. So now we come to 5th grade. I was in 2 friend groups, one was more accepting the other was more "cool". I was in a group where everyone was smaller than me. I bought double lunch everyday because I was hungry. I sat with different groups as well. The "newer" one pointed out that I did in fact eat a lot. I guess that was just the downward spiral of everything. I remember going on YouTube and just seeing skinny girls everywhere. Then shopping for school supplies came around my 6th grade year. I went to McDonalds and didn't really want to eat so I just skipped it. I started skipping meal and I honestly felt so good doing it. Then outdoor Ed came around and I completely lost control, everyday there I would be outside doing some form of exercise and not eating anything. There were people from other schools that commented about how I looked. Everything got really bad so I started to cut. I remember friends that I would confide in, but I still felt bad doing so I stopped. They would say its annoying and that I should stop talking about myself. So that's when I held everything in. It got worse as I couldn't cry nor say anything about it. There's been multiple attempts to end my own life and everything going down hill. I tried getting better by myself but all that happened was my soon to be eating disorder got worse too. Everyday was filled with depression anxiety and no will to live. I got diagnosed with Anorexia nervosa binge-purge sub type as well as depression and anxiety. I never really started getting better. Everyday is still a struggle. I believe I stopped cutting in the past summer and resorted to burning myself in the spring of 2020. Its still very much a struggle and I just wanted to say my story and yeah. I think I destroyed myself with depression and my eating disorder. Not to mention I've been through toxic friendships that mainly ruined my life. But I'm working on getting better, I found myself new friends that are nice and I enjoy being with.