Overcoming Perfectionism
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is defined as demanding or having bigger expectations for yourself than required by the situation, by others, or than what is required of others. It is also important to note that perfectionism isn’t the same as being an overachiever, one takes pride in their hard work and accomplishments, the other doesn’t think anything other than perfect is good enough.
How does Perfectionism Develop?
Perfectionism most commonly starts as an insecure child who craves acceptance and validation from their parents. The child then convinces himself that if he overperforms and does everything perfectly, his parents will validate their feelings and love them. Later on, perfectionism becomes something that the person will use to disprove or avoid self-belittlement.
Why is Focusing on Being Perfect not Healthy?
Ambition can quickly turn into Perfectionism, especially for students. Studies have found that 85.4% of participants between the ages of 16-25 had many perfectionist traits and tendencies. And while you may believe this is a good thing, since it sets you up for your future, it actually does the opposite. If you’re too focused on doing everything perfectly, you stress yourself out too much. Many people end up having eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and feeling disappointed all the time, since trying to do everything perfectly often sucks the joy out of typically fun activities.
How to Identify Perfectionism and Perfectionistic Traits
Perfectionism can be different for everyone, but here are some common signs:
Perfectionists often have all or nothing thinking. This means that while an overachiever would take pride in their work, even if they didn’t get a perfect score, a perfectionist wouldn’t be proud of anything other than perfect.
Perfectionists are often highly critical of themselves and other people, pointing out the smallest mistakes they can find.
Having unrealistic standards. While overachievers set their goals high, perfectionists set their goals at an unreachable level. One wants to be challenged, the other seeks perfection.
Fear of Failure. Because perfectionists are upset by anything other than perfection, failure becomes one of the scariest things.
Procrastination. Although it seems ironic that perfectionists would procrastinate, it is still a common sign. This is because they are so scared of not being perfect that they end up just passing on the task to another day, until they are finally forced to do the task.
How to Change your Relationship with Perfectionism
Revise expectations. Instead of placing your goals at an unreachable level, try to focus more on placing goals that are challenging, but you won’t be frustrated by them, and it won’t seem like it’s impossible, and best of all, you’ll still get that rewarding feeling of accomplishment.
Ask others to help you revise expectations. Ask others to help you see that even if you don’t do everything perfectly, you are still loved.
Realize what matters. When you’re a student, every single thing might seem like it has a great impact on your future, but it actually doesn’t. You need to realize what is truly important in your life, even if it’s not perfect.
Self-compassion. Be mindful and compassionate of yourself, don’t beat yourself up over failures. Trying to manage stress better will also be helpful.
Seek help. If you’re struggling so much you feel it’s starting to affect your mental health, you should contact a mental health professional, such as a therapist.
What can you do to Overcome Perfectionism?
Note down the advantages and disadvantages of being a perfectionist, whenever you feel like you’re falling back into it, just take a look at the disadvantages.
Set achievable goals. This will help you not try to be a perfectionist.
Set a time limit for tasks, this way, you can’t spend too much time trying to make it perfect.
Avoid procrastination and overworking. Split your task into smaller parts, this way, the work will be more manageable.
Celebrate mistakes.
Try different and new things that seem fun to you, avoid only trying to perfect one task or activity.
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